Ok the following response was written yesterday. I couldn’t get online, but I write most of these in word first anyways because blogger.com doesn’t have spell check. So here we go, yesterday’s response.
Well today was the first day of school. It was actually pretty fun. Unlike last year were I was a nervous wreck constantly fixing my clothes and worrying about how I looked and if I seemed like an idiot, this year I didn’t care. I felt a lot more confident and a lot more comfortable. I don’t know why but it was awesome. Most of my classes where pretty fun and I liked all the teachers. Most kids hate their teacher because they actually make them work, how horrible! I mean they’re teachers and they want us to learn! HERESY. I’m kidding in case you didn’t realize. Well the highlight of my day today was Lunch. I saw two friends I hadn’t seen in awhile, and I really missed both of them. They’re two of the people I feel most comfortable around, to bad we never really hang out. Anyway they said they missed me, and being my low self-esteem self I was totally taken aback. I was like whoa wait you actually wanted to see me! Of all people, it was pretty cool and awesome.
Anyway later that day I had cross-country. I was totally out of shape and expecting the worst. I was totally unprepared, and scared out of my mind. The whole time we ran I was like “Why did I sign up for this!” in the end though I was glad because I came out first in the group of people I ran with. I wasn’t as out of shape as I thought I was. So that just brightened my day too. Really the only bad thing was marching band practice from 5-8 today. I didn’t learn music, all I learned was that marching outside at night is a bad idea…and mosquitoes find me delicious…. ya.
On a totally unrelated note to everything today, I had a memory brought up today. I was talking to a friend and she was distraught and sad. She said don’t try to cheer me up; no boy will ever have a crush on a girl like me. At the time, and maybe even now I had a crush on her. Considering my friends this could be one of 10 people so I feel safe putting this up. Especially since I’m pretty sure she doesn’t read this or even knows its exists. So I just thought I’d put the irony of that situation up. I’d go into detail, but who knows who will read this at a later date. So this is just a message to all you people out there with low self-esteem who think they’ll never find love. Who believe no one will ever look at him or her twice. Remember this moment I had, and how everyone has somebody who loves them. So never believe you’ll never find love, because you may end up like that girl who denies she’ll ever be loved so much. She can’t even see the kid in front of her who cares about her more than the world. She denies tat anyone will ever love her to the person who loves her and only wants her to be happy. Well that’s my word….more correctly words of wisdom for today.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
3 day recap
You know when I first started this blog I thought I would never be able to make entries because my life is boring…..I was SOOO wrong. These last…4 days I think have been really busy. Also little reminder I'm not usually as dramatic as I was the first post. Any I’m going to talk about what happened these past days in order
SATURDAY
Did you know I work at market basket on the weekends? Well I do from 8-12. First two hours of my job. Boring and uneventful, then the next two hours I’m outside pushing carts. Normally that wouldn’t be so hard. The little difference was that there was this little hurricane going on and it rained….hard….and I didn’t have a jacket…..for two hours….doing manual labor….it sucked. Anyway after that I had I had to go to this little dance thing. It was at this dance studio I go to. I take hip hop/break dancing and ball room dancing there. Well the dance wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t for the fact most of the kids were middle school kids…..truthfully considering my height…..or lack of I fit right in. Well even if it was with kids younger than me I have a good time. I got to pretend to do dance moves I knew and middle school kids were impressed while high school would have laughed at me…..god I need a life. Anyway it was pretty cool I guess. They gave out free candy.
SUNDAY
Pretty uneventful truthfully…well I can’t remember anything at least. Then again my memory is absolutely horrid. Seriously an Alzheimer’s patient has better memory than me. This was flipping yesterday. Well I went to work at least and OH I remember now I beat Zelda ocarina of time for the thousandth time. I watched the credits for the first time though. *SPOILERS* (finally saw Navi fly away. Heard rumors that that’s why link is in the forest in majors mask that actually why I beat the game again). Anyhow it was a pretty boring day.
MONDAY/TODAY
Yay finally I get to write about today. You know summarizing my life like this makes me feel pretty unimportant and insignificant. Anyway today was pretty cool, or at least I can just remember the most about it. My friend called me at 8 saying I told them that is when they had to be at the school for girls track….it was they were in the wrong spot. So they made me go to the school and run around the track with them. Unfortunately we didn’t do much running her boyfriend was their and they just kept making out…..ya. So after a while I gave up and walked to the ice-cream store near our school track. Of course it was closed. Then her boyfriend had to go, which I was happy about because they would stop being glued together. So we decided to hang out with another friend who had apparently made plans with track girl (The girl who woke me up at 8 o clock remember….actually I’m can going to call her by her nickname ash.). The other friend was screaming at ash over the phone (the other friend will now be called Angie….she is a girl). So much yelling and inability to swallow pride later we met up. We then decided to meet up with another friend who was at this horse barn thing teaching lessons. What sucked was Angie wanted to take a shortcut. I said lets go the normal way it’s a half a mile long and only takes 7 minutes. No though we had to take her “shortcut”. It was annoying as hell. It was this new bike trail or whatever. We found out later that Angie’s apparent “shortcut” was 11 ½ miles long and took 2 hours…..I wanted to strangle her. When we did meet up with the friend at the horse barn place they said we took to long and had to go right then……It wall all for nothing. Needless to say this is a rough review there was much more screaming, yelling, complain, and asking me to carry people and peoples items involved…Stupid shortcut…anyway when I got home I was locked out. They left without calling me. So of course I walked to a friend’s house and call them. Luckily they were on their way home from my little brother gymnastics class so it all worked out. Then I got home and wrote this. Well I guess that’s a quick recap in my day….You got off lucky next time I’m saying every dirty little annoying freaking detail I can remember…..this is if my week is half as eventful as these past days have been. Well I have to go clean my room now so chow or however it’s spelled.
SATURDAY
Did you know I work at market basket on the weekends? Well I do from 8-12. First two hours of my job. Boring and uneventful, then the next two hours I’m outside pushing carts. Normally that wouldn’t be so hard. The little difference was that there was this little hurricane going on and it rained….hard….and I didn’t have a jacket…..for two hours….doing manual labor….it sucked. Anyway after that I had I had to go to this little dance thing. It was at this dance studio I go to. I take hip hop/break dancing and ball room dancing there. Well the dance wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t for the fact most of the kids were middle school kids…..truthfully considering my height…..or lack of I fit right in. Well even if it was with kids younger than me I have a good time. I got to pretend to do dance moves I knew and middle school kids were impressed while high school would have laughed at me…..god I need a life. Anyway it was pretty cool I guess. They gave out free candy.
SUNDAY
Pretty uneventful truthfully…well I can’t remember anything at least. Then again my memory is absolutely horrid. Seriously an Alzheimer’s patient has better memory than me. This was flipping yesterday. Well I went to work at least and OH I remember now I beat Zelda ocarina of time for the thousandth time. I watched the credits for the first time though. *SPOILERS* (finally saw Navi fly away. Heard rumors that that’s why link is in the forest in majors mask that actually why I beat the game again). Anyhow it was a pretty boring day.
MONDAY/TODAY
Yay finally I get to write about today. You know summarizing my life like this makes me feel pretty unimportant and insignificant. Anyway today was pretty cool, or at least I can just remember the most about it. My friend called me at 8 saying I told them that is when they had to be at the school for girls track….it was they were in the wrong spot. So they made me go to the school and run around the track with them. Unfortunately we didn’t do much running her boyfriend was their and they just kept making out…..ya. So after a while I gave up and walked to the ice-cream store near our school track. Of course it was closed. Then her boyfriend had to go, which I was happy about because they would stop being glued together. So we decided to hang out with another friend who had apparently made plans with track girl (The girl who woke me up at 8 o clock remember….actually I’m can going to call her by her nickname ash.). The other friend was screaming at ash over the phone (the other friend will now be called Angie….she is a girl). So much yelling and inability to swallow pride later we met up. We then decided to meet up with another friend who was at this horse barn thing teaching lessons. What sucked was Angie wanted to take a shortcut. I said lets go the normal way it’s a half a mile long and only takes 7 minutes. No though we had to take her “shortcut”. It was annoying as hell. It was this new bike trail or whatever. We found out later that Angie’s apparent “shortcut” was 11 ½ miles long and took 2 hours…..I wanted to strangle her. When we did meet up with the friend at the horse barn place they said we took to long and had to go right then……It wall all for nothing. Needless to say this is a rough review there was much more screaming, yelling, complain, and asking me to carry people and peoples items involved…Stupid shortcut…anyway when I got home I was locked out. They left without calling me. So of course I walked to a friend’s house and call them. Luckily they were on their way home from my little brother gymnastics class so it all worked out. Then I got home and wrote this. Well I guess that’s a quick recap in my day….You got off lucky next time I’m saying every dirty little annoying freaking detail I can remember…..this is if my week is half as eventful as these past days have been. Well I have to go clean my room now so chow or however it’s spelled.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Silent little promise
Hey, I just want to say welcome to everyone reading my blog. This is my first post (obvously) and i just wanna tell you guys what this is all about. First things first I never intented to write a blog in my entire life. I saw a freind start one and I said "hey, why the hell not". So here I am, and here you are (assuming anyone actualy reads this or isn't bored already). Im not gonna explain who I am here like age and stuff, you can read my profile for that. What I will do for my opening post is explain my blogs name.
When i first started this thing I had no idea what to name this thing. That was half an hour ago. I had already figured out my name. Azure Angel. It was i use when i write or draw......if i'd actualy get up off my lazy but and write and draw. You see i start a buncha of projects and quit halfway through. I'm determined to make at least one project last, and i'm hoping its this blog. Back to the name though. Everyone has done stuff in their life their not proud of. Of course im in this group. I did some stuff i'm not so proud of, actualy downright ashamed. I went through an episode where i hated myself and even thought of killing myself (that would ahve made an interesting blog....on second thought maybe not). I was picked on everyday, but not in the normal way. I had a wicked guilty concience so the person who picked on me is the person who had the most influence on me, myself. You might think this dumb or insignifigant, buts it's easy to ignore some jerk calling you names. What isn't easy is that little voice in your mind calling you scum every morning. You can't shut it up or ignore it, because its you and how you truly feel. Every morning I woke up I didn't think i deserved this life. When poeple picked on me I thought this was punishment for what I had done. Evertime something bad happend to me I gave in because I thought I deserved it. Of course I realize this isn't true now but i thought it was then. By now im guessing your getting bored listening to my sob story so I'll get right the reason my blog is called the Fallen Angel Thoery. One day i serously thought about taking my life. I hated myself, and didn't want to live. No actualy the world didn't deserve to have my ruining it and it would be better of without me. Something stopped me though, it was my younger brothers. It wasn't literaly my brothers, but they crossed my mind. I realized that if I died it was screw their lifes up and possibly their mind like mine was. I couldn't kill myself, and then i got pissed at myself for bieng selfish to think of killing myself without thinking of them. I made a pact then, a silent solemn little vow to myself. I made it so though I would live, and would live and be happy with life. Everyday I try to fufill this vow. This experience makes me believe then anyone no matter they do can redeem themselves and live again. This is my Fallen Angel Theory. No matter how someone acts, or how bad they fall, when they realize what they have done and wished to be redeemed, they can. My life is trying to prove this right. My life is the Fallen Angel Theory. I live my life trying to prove that anyone, even me can live their life again and start over. No matter what your past is you can put it in the past and move forward.
That is the Fallen Angel Theory
Also theirs somehting more important than the fallen angel theory. Remeber that little vow, i bet your curois as to what it is. Well it's pretty simple and how i'm able to live again. I believe anyway wanting to take their life and thinks life isn't worth it. Take this vow and make your life worth it, it'll also help those around you and make the world a better place.
"If I can no longer live for myself, I will for the sake of others."
When i first started this thing I had no idea what to name this thing. That was half an hour ago. I had already figured out my name. Azure Angel. It was i use when i write or draw......if i'd actualy get up off my lazy but and write and draw. You see i start a buncha of projects and quit halfway through. I'm determined to make at least one project last, and i'm hoping its this blog. Back to the name though. Everyone has done stuff in their life their not proud of. Of course im in this group. I did some stuff i'm not so proud of, actualy downright ashamed. I went through an episode where i hated myself and even thought of killing myself (that would ahve made an interesting blog....on second thought maybe not). I was picked on everyday, but not in the normal way. I had a wicked guilty concience so the person who picked on me is the person who had the most influence on me, myself. You might think this dumb or insignifigant, buts it's easy to ignore some jerk calling you names. What isn't easy is that little voice in your mind calling you scum every morning. You can't shut it up or ignore it, because its you and how you truly feel. Every morning I woke up I didn't think i deserved this life. When poeple picked on me I thought this was punishment for what I had done. Evertime something bad happend to me I gave in because I thought I deserved it. Of course I realize this isn't true now but i thought it was then. By now im guessing your getting bored listening to my sob story so I'll get right the reason my blog is called the Fallen Angel Thoery. One day i serously thought about taking my life. I hated myself, and didn't want to live. No actualy the world didn't deserve to have my ruining it and it would be better of without me. Something stopped me though, it was my younger brothers. It wasn't literaly my brothers, but they crossed my mind. I realized that if I died it was screw their lifes up and possibly their mind like mine was. I couldn't kill myself, and then i got pissed at myself for bieng selfish to think of killing myself without thinking of them. I made a pact then, a silent solemn little vow to myself. I made it so though I would live, and would live and be happy with life. Everyday I try to fufill this vow. This experience makes me believe then anyone no matter they do can redeem themselves and live again. This is my Fallen Angel Theory. No matter how someone acts, or how bad they fall, when they realize what they have done and wished to be redeemed, they can. My life is trying to prove this right. My life is the Fallen Angel Theory. I live my life trying to prove that anyone, even me can live their life again and start over. No matter what your past is you can put it in the past and move forward.
That is the Fallen Angel Theory
Also theirs somehting more important than the fallen angel theory. Remeber that little vow, i bet your curois as to what it is. Well it's pretty simple and how i'm able to live again. I believe anyway wanting to take their life and thinks life isn't worth it. Take this vow and make your life worth it, it'll also help those around you and make the world a better place.
"If I can no longer live for myself, I will for the sake of others."
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